Self-Restraint

Unfortunately, I chickened out about going to the Debtors Anonymous meeting. What if I saw someone I knew? What if everyone was really old and had careers and families and I was the odd one out -- a tiny little nobody with no education, no job, and a huge shopping addiction?

Point is, I convinced myself that I didn't need to go to the meeting. But about an hour later, I realized it was a mistake. I remembered all the reasons I wanted to go to the meeting. I remembered how I had no self-restraint and how incapable I was to fixing things myself. I really want to go this weekend, and I'm going to make sure that I stay focused on why I need to go.

Speaking of self-restraint, I think I may have gained some points today! I needed to buy an envelope to return an item I'd ordered online (impulse buy). So I went to the store, a little apprehensive because I usually end up buying five things I don't need. And sure enough, as soon as I stepped through the doors, I remembered that the Neosporin at home expired a few months ago. What if someone got a cut?! And as I walked into the row with the mailing items, I remembered that I hadn't bought a decent marker in a while. I should get a new Sharpie marker so that I can address the envelope! But then I remembered that amazon had sent me a prepaid shipping label. Then I somehow managed to convince myself that I didn't need Neosporin because honestly... no one ever uses it in our house. We just clean cuts and sick band-aids on them. No wonder our old tube expired.

And I walked out of the store only having spent $1.09! That has to be a record for me! I don't think I've spent so little at any store ever!

I felt so good about it that I paid off the balance on my library card -- something I've been putting off for quite a while! Now, I only have 3 VISA's left to pay off... But I'm just going to keep at it. Five dollars a month or Fifty a month... the point is that I am working towards a goal that I will eventually reach. That's what I keep telling myself. Every time I think about the daunting reality of my troubles, I get depressed and end up spending money to buy things to distract myself. So, I've decided to stop dwelling on how much I have left to climb, and start focusing on how much I have climbed. I realize that it isn't much right now, but it's something. And eventually, it'll be a substantial amount. I know I can do it!

I hope everyone else is staying positive too!

Until next time,

Silver