Getting out of bed in the morning is the hardest part of the day for me, especially in the recent years. Getting out of bed means it's time to face reality. It means accepting the fact that I have no money. It means accepting the fact that I am no longer a student. It means accepting that I might have ruined my entire life. It means accepting that I'm a failure, and that there is a possibility that I might stay a failure.
I know there are fairytale-like stories of people who have hit rock-bottom, and learned from their mistakes only to rise to the top again. But what if they're the exceptions, not the rule. What if we are all meant to be defined by our past. In a way, we are, right? That's why banks and lenders ask for your credit history before they approve a loan. That's why colleges and employers ask for your transcripts before accepting you or hiring you. People want to see how you responsible you have been about paying back your previous debts, so they can get an idea of how responsible you will be. And employers ask for your transcript to see how much of a work ethic you've displayed in the past to help predict what type of worker you'll be in the future. My past is a series of failures. The only successes I've had resulted from sheer luck.
God, what I wouldn't give for a chance to start over, for a re-do button.
See, that's the worst part about getting out of bed in the morning. It means I have to accept that there is no re-do button.
