How To Get Over A Guy

Earlier today, I had the misfortune of running into an... ex-flame of sorts. I say ex-flame, because he was technically never my boyfriend. I'll call him John for convenience. So, I met John a couple years ago when I got my first real job. We immediately hit it off, and grew very close in a matter of weeks. He was like the boy version of me! I knew he had a girlfriend, and it wasn't a big deal at first because I never really thought about pursuing anything with him. But as we became better friends, we started hanging out more outside of work. His girlfriend was going to school far away, so I didn't think about her much. And as months went by, John and I became inseparable. We would go see movies together, get dinner together, confide in each other, and stay up really late just talking to each other. I knew that this relationship was becoming slightly inappropriate, but I would just tell myself that it was okay because John and I never engaged in anything physical. We never kissed, and we barely ever hugged. So he wasn't cheating on his girlfriend, right? Wrong.

Just because we didn't have a physical relationship, doesn't mean that we didn't have an emotional one. And personally, emotional affairs are just as painful, if not more painful than physical affairs. Because getting over John was one of the hardest things I had ever done. Eventually, his girlfriend started realizing that I was becoming a more regular aspect of his life, and she didn't like it. Long story short, he picked her.

This wasn't the first time I've had to get over some guy, but it certainly was the fastest. Here are some tips that helped me.

How To Get Over a Guy:

1. KEEP YOUR DISTANCE. This is the most important step! Ever hear the saying, "out of sight, out of mind?" It really does work. I know this is harder said than done, but it is worth it. If you are keeping yourself updated on his life, you will only obsess about what could have been. Keeping your distance means removing him (and his new girlfriend) from your news feed on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and whatever other social network you both use. It might also mean removing his close friends who constantly post statuses and updates about him. Don't contact him and avoid anything that might be a source of information about him. The point is, DO NOT, under any circumstances, look him up. 
2. ASK YOURSELF WHAT YOU NEED FOR CLOSURE. It's easier to do this after a week or so of distance from him. Really sit by yourself, and speak aloud about your feelings. Talking to yourself helps you figure out how you feel. Sometimes, we're tempted to confide in our closest girlfriends and ask their opinions, but that only makes it harder for you to isolate and understand your own feelings about the break-up. Ask yourself how you feel towards the guy now, after some distance. Do you still feel like you are in love with him? Do you think he's in love with you? How do you feel if you think he still loves you? How do you feel if he doesn't love you? How do you feel about the whatever happened that lead to the break-up? Betrayed? Sorry? Guilty? Ashamed? Suffocated? Is there something that you would like to get from him that would give you closure? An apology? An explanation? A confession? Now consider if it might be beneficial for you to go see you ex (NOTE: DO NOT SEE HIM UNTIL YOU ARE COMPLETELY CONFIDENT THAT YOUR FEELINGS ARE IN CHECK). The only reasons to see him would be if you need to return his things, or if you really need something (i.e. an apology, explanation, etc...) from him.
3. MAKE A LIST OF ALL THE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF.  Sometimes, people tend to let a relationship define them. Use this post break-up time to rediscover what you love about you. After all, how can you expect someone else to love you, if you don't even love you?
4. GO OUT AND HAVE FUN. So what if you're single? You're not dead. Get a group of friends and go enjoy the beautiful world you live in. Volunteer at an Animal Shelter. Take a Painting Class. Sign up for a marathon. Go watch a play at your Community Theatre. Finish the New York Times Crossword without cheating! When you're doing something new and exciting, you leave less time for worrying and moping. So spend your time enjoying life, and know that when one door closes, another one opens :)

I really hope these tips help you get over a bad relationship. They helped me a lot, and after seeing John and his girlfriend today, I can finally say I'm over him =]

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