I hope you all had fun celebrating the New Year, and made fun New Year's Resolutions! I spent my New Year's Eve with my family, so it was a quiet but comforting night. Last night, I was happily dreaming about how I was going to make 2013 a successful year by turning my life around. But when I woke up this morning, I was anything but happy.
I've finally realized how far I've fallen. It feels like I'm standing at the foot of Mt. Everest, and I've got a long way to hike, and even more work if I want to make it to the top of that mountain by the end of this year. And to make matters worse, my track record with obstacles doesn't provide any reassurance.
The holidays provided a false sense of security because everyone was happy, and no one knows that I've flunked out of school. I've successfully managed to keep my academic probation and dismissal from my friends and family. I know I'll have to tell them eventually, but I just can't handle that right now. Right now, I feel like I have no substance, nothing real or solid to support me. The only thing keeping me together is the support of my friends and family. If they knew about all my mistakes, and lies, it would change the way they viewed me. Maybe some of them would continue to see me the same as they do now, but some would pity me or see me as a failure, and I can't handle that. I don't believe in myself at all right now, and if my friends and family stopped believing in me too, I don't know what I'd do. I can only handle so much change right now.
I just feel that it will be easier to tell everyone the truth when I have something. Right now, I have nothing. No education. No job. No prospects. Nothing.
It's going to be a long uphill battle.
First, I need to find a job -- preferably one with flexible hours and good pay, so I can still take a couple classes and start paying off my debts and start saving money so I can rent a place of my own. I know that as long as I am under my parents' roof, I'll never grow up and start taking responsibility. I need to be on my own so I can make my own decisions with out the security blanket that is Mommy and Daddy. Then I need some experience through self projects or work, to help solidify my resume so I can get a better job or get back into college. I really want to complete my undergraduate degree in Computer Science.
I'm going to do it. I will work as hard as I can to make sure I get my degree.
I wish you all good luck in your own endeavors this year. And if you're attempting to reinvent yourself or your life this year, too, may this year be our year. I know we can do it! And if you're looking for some support or just want someone to talk to about whatever battle you're fighting, I would be more than happy to be your friend, or confidant, or sponsor, or just a stranger who listens to your story. I know how much easier it is to spill your darkest secrets to a complete stranger as opposed to your best friend :) So, if that's the case, leave me a comment, or shoot me an email at SilverRoses90@gmail.com. I'm a great listener, and now that I'm not in school, I'll have plenty of free time to reply :)
Good luck!
Silver
I'm going to do it. I will work as hard as I can to make sure I get my degree.
I wish you all good luck in your own endeavors this year. And if you're attempting to reinvent yourself or your life this year, too, may this year be our year. I know we can do it! And if you're looking for some support or just want someone to talk to about whatever battle you're fighting, I would be more than happy to be your friend, or confidant, or sponsor, or just a stranger who listens to your story. I know how much easier it is to spill your darkest secrets to a complete stranger as opposed to your best friend :) So, if that's the case, leave me a comment, or shoot me an email at SilverRoses90@gmail.com. I'm a great listener, and now that I'm not in school, I'll have plenty of free time to reply :)
Good luck!
Silver
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