Special K Diet: Day 3

Good morning!

If you live in the Washington DC Metropolitan Area, Happy first snowfall of the year!

Luckily it's less than a couple inches where I live, which is just the way I like snow -- just enough to cover the ground.

So, I've noticed that I've put on a little weight this past year. Not too much for it to be obvious, but enough that I have difficulty making my clothes fit. I'm about 5'1" and I weighed 19.5 lb when I started the Special K Diet (2 days ago). For those of you who don't know, the Special K Diet consists of 3 meals:

Breakfast: One bowl of any Special K Cereal, with 2/3 cup of skim milk and a serving of your favorite fruit.

Lunch: A Special K protein shake, OR a Special K protein meal bar, OR another bowl of cereal and fruit.

Dinner: whatever you normally eat

You are allowed TWO snacks a day, a choice between:

• Special K Protein Snack Bars
• Special K Cereal Bars
• Special K Pastry Crisps
• Special K Crackers and Chips
• Special K Protein Water Mixes

Now, I'm not a big fan of dieting; I have very little will-power (it's one of the things I'm working on developing this year). But I was drawn to this diet because it promised that I would lose one jean size in  two weeks! I thought this was perfect because most of the other diets I have tried are usually a month long, and I could never make it that far. But two weeks seems like a very do-able amount of time. I also like the fact that I can eat whatever I normally eat for dinner. The hardest part of a full time diet is that I start craving the things I normally eat, and once that starts it's just a matter of time until I give up on dieting. So being able to eat one regular meal a day keeps me from craving my old unhealthy lifestyle.

Before starting the diet, I did go out and buy a bunch of Special K products, and at first I was dubious about the ulterior motives that Special K might have (making me buy all their products!), but I went to target and the bill was a little less than 20 dollars (including a couple things I had picked up that weren't Special K), so I'm not complaining about the price. If it helps me lose weight, I would consider those 20 bucks a GREAT investment :)

Here's what I picked up at my local Target:

I'm a very picky eater, especially when it comes to fruits and veggies. Raspberries are one of the few berries that I actually like. And I'm planning on cheating a tiny bit by substituting Wheat-Thins as one of my daily "snacks." If I have 10 crackers, then it should run around 100 Calories, which is the same as having Special K pastry crisps. I really don't think it'll make much of a difference, but I really wanted some variety in this diet.

I'll keep you guys posted on how the diet works out for me. I started out at 19.5 pounds, and my goal is to be at 13.5 lb on February 6. The diet promises that I'll lose "up to" 6 pounds, but I better lose at least 4 pounds in 2 weeks. Otherwise, this is a complete waste of money.

Here are some pictures of my lunch, and my weight on Tuesday:

Hope you're all making progress in your New Years Resolutions!

Silver

How To Get Over A Guy

Earlier today, I had the misfortune of running into an... ex-flame of sorts. I say ex-flame, because he was technically never my boyfriend. I'll call him John for convenience. So, I met John a couple years ago when I got my first real job. We immediately hit it off, and grew very close in a matter of weeks. He was like the boy version of me! I knew he had a girlfriend, and it wasn't a big deal at first because I never really thought about pursuing anything with him. But as we became better friends, we started hanging out more outside of work. His girlfriend was going to school far away, so I didn't think about her much. And as months went by, John and I became inseparable. We would go see movies together, get dinner together, confide in each other, and stay up really late just talking to each other. I knew that this relationship was becoming slightly inappropriate, but I would just tell myself that it was okay because John and I never engaged in anything physical. We never kissed, and we barely ever hugged. So he wasn't cheating on his girlfriend, right? Wrong.

Just because we didn't have a physical relationship, doesn't mean that we didn't have an emotional one. And personally, emotional affairs are just as painful, if not more painful than physical affairs. Because getting over John was one of the hardest things I had ever done. Eventually, his girlfriend started realizing that I was becoming a more regular aspect of his life, and she didn't like it. Long story short, he picked her.

This wasn't the first time I've had to get over some guy, but it certainly was the fastest. Here are some tips that helped me.

How To Get Over a Guy:

1. KEEP YOUR DISTANCE. This is the most important step! Ever hear the saying, "out of sight, out of mind?" It really does work. I know this is harder said than done, but it is worth it. If you are keeping yourself updated on his life, you will only obsess about what could have been. Keeping your distance means removing him (and his new girlfriend) from your news feed on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and whatever other social network you both use. It might also mean removing his close friends who constantly post statuses and updates about him. Don't contact him and avoid anything that might be a source of information about him. The point is, DO NOT, under any circumstances, look him up. 
2. ASK YOURSELF WHAT YOU NEED FOR CLOSURE. It's easier to do this after a week or so of distance from him. Really sit by yourself, and speak aloud about your feelings. Talking to yourself helps you figure out how you feel. Sometimes, we're tempted to confide in our closest girlfriends and ask their opinions, but that only makes it harder for you to isolate and understand your own feelings about the break-up. Ask yourself how you feel towards the guy now, after some distance. Do you still feel like you are in love with him? Do you think he's in love with you? How do you feel if you think he still loves you? How do you feel if he doesn't love you? How do you feel about the whatever happened that lead to the break-up? Betrayed? Sorry? Guilty? Ashamed? Suffocated? Is there something that you would like to get from him that would give you closure? An apology? An explanation? A confession? Now consider if it might be beneficial for you to go see you ex (NOTE: DO NOT SEE HIM UNTIL YOU ARE COMPLETELY CONFIDENT THAT YOUR FEELINGS ARE IN CHECK). The only reasons to see him would be if you need to return his things, or if you really need something (i.e. an apology, explanation, etc...) from him.
3. MAKE A LIST OF ALL THE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF.  Sometimes, people tend to let a relationship define them. Use this post break-up time to rediscover what you love about you. After all, how can you expect someone else to love you, if you don't even love you?
4. GO OUT AND HAVE FUN. So what if you're single? You're not dead. Get a group of friends and go enjoy the beautiful world you live in. Volunteer at an Animal Shelter. Take a Painting Class. Sign up for a marathon. Go watch a play at your Community Theatre. Finish the New York Times Crossword without cheating! When you're doing something new and exciting, you leave less time for worrying and moping. So spend your time enjoying life, and know that when one door closes, another one opens :)

I really hope these tips help you get over a bad relationship. They helped me a lot, and after seeing John and his girlfriend today, I can finally say I'm over him =]

Silver

Taking Charge of My Finances: Step One

Hello all,

I know I haven't written on this blog in a while, but that's because nothing much has been happening. This month has been flying by. At the beginning of January, I promised myself that I would work hard to meet my goals of reducing my debt and finding a job to save up for returning to school. But I've been spending the last two weeks waking up at noon, lounging around the house watching TV and such. Before I knew it, I realized that I had already wasted half the month doing nothing!

But I'm happy to say, that instead of getting depressed and ranting about how much I hate myself, I signed up for a free online course on Coursera.org called "Fundamentals of Personal Financial Planning." Now I know that it's only the first step in reaching my goals, but it's a step nonetheless. I really like Coursera because it allows me to learn for free. It's a website that hosts many different classes in a variety of Topics from different Universities (some of them are rather prestigious). In addition to the Financial Planning class, I'm taking a Cryptography class from Stanford, and a basic programming class from the University of Washington. These classes just started this past Monday, so I'll be keeping you updated on my progress.

Today, I finished the first week of lectures for the Personal Finance class, and I just submitted my homework assignment (which I got a 100% on). It isn't difficult at all, and I'm sure the subject is very diluted to make sure that everyone can follow along, but I'm still glad about it. If nothing else, at least it serves as a confidence booster.

This week I'll be making an assessment of my net worth -- which I'm sure will be a VERY negative number. But I need to know where I stand in order to know how far I need to climb.

I'm exhauseted... I think this gloomy weather is translating into my mood. It's been rainy/foggy/cloudy for the past five days or so. I'm going to make some tea and go find something productive to do!

Laters!
Silver

Mornings

I hope you're all having a much more productive day than I am. It's noon, and I haven't even gotten out of bed yet. 

Getting out of bed in the morning is the hardest part of the day for me, especially in the recent years. Getting out of bed means it's time to face reality. It means accepting the fact that I have no money. It means accepting the fact that I am no longer a student. It means accepting that I might have ruined my entire life. It means accepting that I'm a failure, and that there is a possibility that I might stay a failure.

I know there are fairytale-like stories of people who have hit rock-bottom, and learned from their mistakes only to rise to the top again. But what if they're the exceptions, not the rule. What if we are all meant to be defined by our past. In a way, we are, right? That's why banks and lenders ask for your credit history before they approve a loan. That's why colleges and employers ask for your transcripts before accepting you or hiring you. People want to see how you responsible you have been about paying back your previous debts, so they can get an idea of how responsible you will be. And employers ask for your transcript to see how much of a work ethic you've displayed in the past to help predict what type of worker you'll be in the future. My past is a series of failures. The only successes I've had resulted from sheer luck. 

God, what I wouldn't give for a chance to start over, for a re-do button.

See, that's the worst part about getting out of bed in the morning. It means I have to accept that there is no re-do button.

Freaking Out: My Life Is Falling Apart

I think I'm having a panic attack. I've never had one before, so I'm not sure what the symptoms are. But my heart is pounding, and all I see are the possible negative outcomes of my decisions.

I got my official academic dismissal email and now I can't stop wondering if this is the beginning of the end of my life. What if I don't get a job at ALL this semester? How will I pay off my credit card debt? How will I save enough money to move out? How will I tell my parents that I'm a failure? How will I complete my education? All my friends and family will be angry and disappointed in me. I've been kicked out of College! Damn. How on earth did I let this happen?

What do people do in these situations? Has anyone been in this kind of situation? Has anyone been a decent student in high school, scored well on their SAT's and been accepted into a competitive University, and then been kicked out their senior year?! I feel like the world's biggest failure right now. I don't know what my problem is. Why can't I learn material by reading the textbook? Why can't I pay attention in lecture? Why can't I make myself GO to lecture? Why am I my own worst enemy?

I feel like I just can't catch a break. Like I can't do anything right. I'm SO mad at myself, I can't stand it. I'm mad that I'm the reason I'm in this mess. I'm mad that I'm so self-destructive. I am so desperately wishing that I were in any other situation so that I could be mad at someone or something else. God, a drunk driver, the economy, a doctor, or fate.

I hate feeling this way. Alone. Cornered. Hopeless. Defeated. Is this despair?

It's horrible. I hope you never have to feel this way.

Silver

The Beginning Is the Hardest Part

Good Afternoon Everyone!

I hope you all had fun celebrating the New Year, and made fun New Year's Resolutions! I spent my New Year's Eve with my family, so it was a quiet but comforting night. Last night, I was happily dreaming about how I was going to make 2013 a successful year by turning my life around. But when I woke up this morning, I was anything but happy.

I've finally realized how far I've fallen. It feels like I'm standing at the foot of Mt. Everest, and I've got a long way to hike, and even more work if I want to make it to the top of that mountain by the end of this year. And to make matters worse, my track record with obstacles doesn't provide any reassurance.

The holidays provided a false sense of security because everyone was happy, and no one knows that I've flunked out of school. I've successfully managed to keep my academic probation and dismissal from my friends and family. I know I'll have to tell them eventually, but I just can't handle that right now. Right now, I feel like I have no substance, nothing real or solid to support me. The only thing keeping me together is the support of my friends and family. If they knew about all my mistakes, and lies, it would change the way they viewed me. Maybe some of them would continue to see me the same as they do now, but some would pity me or see me as a failure, and I can't handle that. I don't believe in myself at all right now, and if my friends and family stopped believing in me too, I don't know what I'd do. I can only handle so much change right now.

I just feel that it will be easier to tell everyone the truth when I have something. Right now, I have nothing. No education. No job. No prospects. Nothing. 

It's going to be a long uphill battle.

First, I need to find a job -- preferably one with flexible hours and good pay, so I can still take a couple classes and start paying off my debts and start saving money so I can rent a place of my own. I know that as long as I am under my parents' roof, I'll never grow up and start taking responsibility. I need to be on my own so I can make my own decisions with out the security blanket that is Mommy and Daddy. Then I need some experience through self projects or work, to help solidify my resume so I can get a better job or get back into college. I really want to complete my undergraduate degree in Computer Science.

I'm going to do it. I will work as hard as I can to make sure I get my degree.

I wish you all good luck in your own endeavors this year. And if you're attempting to reinvent yourself or your life this year, too, may this year be our year. I know we can do it! And if you're looking for some support or just want someone to talk to about whatever battle you're fighting, I would be more than happy to be your friend, or confidant, or sponsor, or just a stranger who listens to your story. I know how much easier it is to spill your darkest secrets to a complete stranger as opposed to your best friend :) So, if that's the case, leave me a comment, or shoot me an email at SilverRoses90@gmail.com. I'm a great listener, and now that I'm not in school, I'll have plenty of free time to reply :)

Good luck!

Silver